Here is what I did. I wrote a post titled How to Win People Over in Business through Pickup Artist Patterns. Check it out. I later figured since pickup artists are clinical readers of social dynamics (women or men for that matter), they would know what social cure gestures to avoid in order to be effective when engaging any audience in person.
The same points could possibly apply to networking or presentations.
I got on the net, looked for ‘points to avoid’ and to my luck I found ‘25 points’ curated by Tyler Durden (Owen Cook). I selected those which would serve the purpose for this post.
The text in ITALICS is quoted.
You do not have to agree with all the points, I agree with most of them, some in certain cases. See this as information brought up for your selective benefit and choose what you think can improve you.
(1). Fidgety movements and tight shoulders
It is a visible sign of being scared or stunned a bit. Loosen up the shoulders and relax yourself.
(2). Talking too fast
You want to sneak in all that you want to say quickly because you are anxious they won’t give you any further time.
Take it easy, to be in control of people – be in control of you.
(3). Laughing at your own jokes
It is tough when no laughs at your jokes, I know.
(4). Saying “right” or “you know” after statements
This is seeking validation that what you said was heard and true.
(5). Talking too softly or loud
Talking too soft: the fear that you are imposing yourself on people. You belong, believe and act like it.
Talking too loud: This is over compensating that you think you do not belong and therefore you have to prove you do.
Some people are loud naturally, it is fine.
The point here is to not over-do or under-do as a way of compensating for what you think you lack.
(6). Leaning in or pecking
It is business networking, or are you trying to land a kiss? It is uncomfortable when people talk down your neck. Keep space.
(7). Answering questions too early
It shows listening isn’t really your interest. And who wants to talk to someone who rushes them and doesn’t pay an ear?
(8). Replying with overly thought-out of logical answers or with overly clear/formal pronunciation
It hints concern that you think you won’t be accepted as you are, you aren’t confident with your stuff and you don’t gel with it. You then opt to sound scripted and like a robot.
Ooze your work, your majesty!
(9). Taking too many sentences to state an idea that could be stated in less space
Qualifying yourself. Commander Zap emails me a few months ago: “Remember TD (Tyler Durden), don’t write what you can say, don’t say what you can wink, don’t wink what you can smile” TIGHT. The shorter you can explain something; the more PROFOUND you’ll appear. Why? You’re not qualifying yourself.
The more we prepare and practice, the more concise and effective we become in explaining things. Let’s practice.
(10). Overcompensating insecurities
Fear of not being accepted. Have you ever met a janitor who the first thing he says is “money is over-rated. I would never get caught up in the corporate world” blah blah. If they’d have just said “I’m a janitor” and LEFT IT AT THAT we wouldn’t have even THOUGHT that anything was wrong with it.. but because they INSTANTLY start overcompensating, it comes off as if they are qualifying themselves.
Same with if they BRING IT UP TOO EARLY. Like “hey, I’m Steve.. I’m a janitor and I love it”.. They’re TRYING to be cocky but it comes off as COMPENSATING.
Just be comfortable with yourself, and don’t bring up overcompensating issues at all.
(11). Overcompensating failure or shortcomings
Fear of being judged. If you have shitty clothes on, don’t say “I have nicer clothes at home.” Just don’t bring it up.
LOL. You heard the above, don’t bring it up man, don’t. When you are in your little brother’s VW Golf 1, don’t say “I have a Merc at home”.